Essential Maternal Reading for the Would-Be Neurodiverse Christian Homeschooler

I hope you enjoyed last week's post that pairs well with this one. The background research and thinking ideas over for my upcoming book is continuing to go slowly but surely. This post is the second one specifically addressing my target audience, neurodiverse Christian homeschoolers. The fundamental question I am asking and (hopefully) answering: what should a mother read to prepare for this venture?

Neurodiversity in Women

Compared to men, women are diagnosed with ADHD or autism spectrum disorders later in life and often initially with mental health conditions. Many symptoms present differently, and possible differences in masking due to neurobiology and socialization mean that women might not suspect a neurodiverse condition until later.

While I don't have a diagnosed case of autism, all the signs point that way. How did I come to suspect that's the case? The Bibliovore had long known of one neurodiverse diagnosis and suspected autism as a second. Most of the traits that made him suspect this, he also noticed in me. A few months ago, I took two free screening assessments (the RAADS-R and ASQ) with results indicating not quite level 1 autism, but definite autistic traits. Many people with autism also have ADHD. One validated screening instrument for that is the Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale. 

How has this affected our work lives? The biggest change has been optimizing our work environments to minimize sensory overload. The home office (his area) has closed doors, dim colored lights, and a specific arrangement of snacks and comfortable seating arrangements. My work desk is an inherited standing desk surrounded by minimally loaded bookshelves. This allows me to march in place or otherwise fidget to avoid overstimulation from too much task-switching. 

Another change has been our communication strategies. While we find each other indirect communicators, people at work find us too direct at times. Simply being aware of this and self-disclosing our autistic traits has started to help others understand how we communicate and how to understand us.

As a side note, we suspect that our then-unknown neurodiverse traits were a big part of what attracted us to each other when we were talking and dating. This may be happening more in the modern era, which might impact (genetically influenced) rates of autism and ADHD in the future.

Mothers' Roles and Preparation

Throughout the history of homeschooling, mothers have been the primary educators. Let's unpack this a little bit in the context of neurodiverse parents.

Roles

My springboard sources for this section are papers by Lois 2017 and Baker 2019. Jennifer Lois wrote a chapter looking at how research on homeschooling mothers has been framed in terms of more generic "parenting" rather than highlighting the interaction of gender roles and home education. As someone coming from a family with some overlap of but also some distinctive gender roles expressed by my parents in one way or another, I see the reasonableness of Lois's argument. She correctly notes that lumping all maternal and paternal roles together under "parenting" prevents readers and researchers from understanding mothers' (1) motivations to homeschool, (2) facilitating factors for homeschooling, and (3) challenges (time management and stigma especially).

Erin Baker looks at the intersection of homeschooling with the parenting style of "intensive mothering." This style is similar to "helicopter parenting," where parents see themselves as needing to be highly, directly, and personally present/invested in their children's choices and successes. Essentially, the parent is the line manager and never backs off. The more personally present and controlling a parent is, the more chronically stressed s/he becomes, adding on mental health conditions.

Because of the time commitment in many styles of homeschooling, in most homeschooling families one parent will work full time and one parent will work either part time or not at all. Usually, the less-working parent is the mother, so she will coordinate and carry out the curriculum while the father earns all or most of the money to ensure positive or neutral cash flow. In secular homeschooling families (getting more common over the last 10-20 years), mothers may become more socially isolated and less supported, which can exacerbate stress and mental health conditions they have or acquire.

What does this mean for neurodiverse mothers?

• Autism--one hallmark of this spectrum condition is decreased ability and/or desire to interact with others on a social level. This characteristic might actually mitigate some stresses of social isolation, as is the case with the Bibliovore and me (two autistic parents).
• ADHD--depending on whether autism is comorbid (50%) or not, there may be more need for social interaction. It is extremely common for neurodiverse people to find more joy in talking with other neurodivergents rather than neurotypicals because in the latter case things keep getting lost in translation (neurotypicals not understanding neurodivergence). So, find your neurotribe.

Preparation

I'm recommending books I've found valuable in three areas: philosophy (of education), theology (related to philosophy), and neurodiversity (focused on ADHD and autism). I'd love to hear your suggestions for reading resources for moms with other neurodiverse conditions! My favorite non-book resources include these channels and podcasts.

Two helpful resources on the most fitting philosophy of education for your family are The Trivium and Consider This. Two big camps in the Christian homeschool community are classical (trivium/quadrivium-based) and Charlotte Mason. The Trivium, a classic in the classical world, outlines the Thomist philosophical background and rationale for designing children's education around the trivium (grammar, logic, and rhetoric in roughly chronological order). Consider This is for many a gateway into Charlotte Mason-style education, which focuses heavily on literature, full attention, and narration as a learning tool for many subjects.

Because we're in the modern era, we need to be aware of the cultural river/sea in which we swim. A very commonly recommended theological/philosophical resource is C. S. Lewis's The Abolition of Man. If you're not up for that, the Chronicles of Narnia and Space Trilogy cover the same material in novel form. I try to reread Chronicles every couple of years, and in each iteration notice more and more of the philosophical one-liners and allusions Lewis makes. (For the record, he was autistic.)

As far as how to think about one's own neurodiversity and the inherited neurodiversity likely in our child(ren), I am starting to read Divergent Mind (by an autistic woman) and How to Get Your Child Off the Refrigerator and on to Learning (by a friend of mine with a son with a rather hyperactive variant of ADHD).

Happy reading!